Total Eclipse Of The Heart
by CMayumiT
Summary: What happened in Faith's apartment that night. Buffy/Faith femslash.


TITLE: TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART 

FANDOM: Buffy, The Vampire Slayer

PAIRING: Buffy/Faith

SUMMARY: What happened in Faith's apartment that night.

SPOILERS: Well, since all things great always come to an end and Buffy The Vampire Slayer has (come to an end), I'm pretty sure you've seen it all. Besides, if you don't know who Faith is, I have absolutely no idea why you're reading this. I mean...go watch the third season, dude, you don't know what you're missing! ;)

DISCLAIMER: The only thing I own is this PC. Definitely pointless suing me.

ARCHIVING/DISTRIBUTION: Want. Point the way. Have.

FEEDBACK: Sure, why not?

DEDICATION: To the wonderful people of Oralfxatn - you guys totally kick ass!!

The brunette was sitting on the couch. Her eyes were fixed in an imaginary point in the living room of her apartment. To anyone who could have seen her, she seemed calm, perhaps a little bored. They couldn't be more wrong. If anyone cared to really look, they'd realize that her haunted eyes betrayed her perfectly still figure. They would hear the deafening silence so aggressive to her ears. But then, if anyone had cared to really look or really listen in the first place, maybe things wouldn't have come to that. They had, however, and now all that was left for her was to wait patiently for the executioner to come and put an end to it all.

It started in an alley, with an accident. Buffy had seen it a second before it happened, but Faith didn't understand what the blonde was shouting about. Neither did she understand when she saw the blood staining her stake. Then she watched as life left Allan Finch's body and it finally downed on her. She had taken a life. Both slayers were in shock, but both had different ways of dealing with it, or rather, repressing it so dealing wouldn't be necessary.

Buffy halfheartedly offered to help. The other half of her heart was desperately pushing Faith away so that it would be plain for others and maybe even herself to see that she hadn't been part of it. Between one half and the other she never did realize that worse than witnessing an accidental death was to cause it. Faith, on the other hand, was too busy with her own struggle to realize that Buffy was just as scared and lost as herself. Busy trying to keep the hurt from showing in her eyes, trying to make herself believe that she didn't really care.

In the end, Faith was disappointed. Buffy seemed different from everyone else, and Faith had hoped she would see past the leather, the seduction, the danger...and see just her, Faith. But it didn't happen. Buffy didn't see her as a piece of ass like most people, but she also wasn't interested in seeing much of anything. If someone claims to be used to indifference, someone is lying. It hurts every time. And Faith had had too much of that in her life. So she held onto an abstract hate as if her sanity depended on it, because it probably did. She was so afraid to break she never realized she was already broken.

Buffy couldn't understand how Faith could not care about killing a human being, but it was easier that way. If Faith was evil, she could take care of it, because that was what the slayer was supposed to do. There would be too much pain otherwise. She couldn't bear the thought of living with the weight of killing someone...and care. Angel had mentioned it to her once, and she'd seen the look in his eyes. No, Faith couldn't care, because if she did, Buffy wouldn't know what to do. Best stick with what you know, right?

After that, one thing led to another. When Faith saved her in the docks, both seemed to have come to a silent agreement that hate was the easy way out, and parted ways. Buffy went to her friends. Faith went to the Mayor. But then, there was a surprise: he treated her like she had always wanted to be treated. Deep inside she knew that coming from someone who planned to become a demon, his respect and caring were most likely lies, but she was too tired to care. At least he was a good liar.

And now here she was, sitting in the apartment he had given her, waiting for Buffy to show up so they could put an end to all of it. And what was killing Faith even before Buffy would take the matter into her own hands was that she would miss her sister slayer. She had enjoyed the time Buffy had spent with her before everything went South. The blonde was a little uptight, but fun to be around. Faith wasn't used to just 'hang' like that and it felt good. For that brief moment in her life she forgot that it was good enough to hurt like hell when it got taken away.

"Come on, B...I hate waiting," she whispered to the walls, doubting there was any place lonelier than she felt within.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming 'round..._

She combed her fingers through her dark waves and closed her eyes with a sigh. She could feel everything she had kept locked up inside crashing its way out in violent waves, and the intensity of it rendered her breathless for a moment long enough that air became an issue.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears..._

Faith let out a small smile in spite of herself. She remembered the look on Buffy's face when they first met, the utter disbelief that someone didn't need rescuing. Buffy sticking to her when they fought Kakistos, the strange despair she felt at the thought of the blonde dying by his cloven hands. Buffy going to visit her in the motel after the incident with that bitch Gwendolyn Post, the flash of hope in her beautiful hazel eyes when Faith stopped her from leaving and the disappointment that replaced that hope when the dark slayer changed her mind and said nothing. Buffy blowing off a Chem test to go slaying with her. All in all, Buffy had been the best thing that happened to her.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by..._

Faith wondered if it ever even crossed Buffy's mind that in reach of her well manicured hands lay the switch to both her bliss and her misery. Those big hazel eyes, full of complexity and meaning, could bring to the surface the best and the worst in Faith. The brunette shook her head slowly. Even as lost and helpless as she was she could see the absurdity of that. No one can be expected to handle such responsibility as another person's happiness. Or misery.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes..._

It had been easier to hate, but hate required a lot of energy to keep running...and Faith was tired. In the end she was denied even the small comfort of hatred. She couldn't hate Buffy anymore. She tried.

_Turn around, bright eyes... Every now and then I fall apart..._

'Please, Buffy, make it better,' she prayed silently in her thoughts, 'Make it go away. Am I evil? Am I too far gone?'

_Turn around, bright eyes... Every now and then I fall apart..._

"God, B, what's taking you so long?" she whispered again to the very same walls that remained apathetic to every single one of the emotions that caused her voice to crack.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild..._

Then she felt it. Her heart beating stronger and faster like a wild bird that some heartless person locked into a cage to watch it bruising its wings against the bars in vain. Part of her dared to believe that if she could climb the walls she had built around herself to try and talk to Buffy, the blonde would understand. But then, strangely as it seems, if she did that she would be risking herself again, while if she didn't, that small part of her would always be sure that Buffy cared and would have been there for her if she had allowed it. She wondered if she was going crazy.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms..._

After she felt it, she heard it - her door being kicked open with unnecessary strength. She had been, after all, waiting for Buffy. Her door wasn't locked. She didn't turn to face the older slayer. She couldn't, not just yet. She struggled emotionally to once again get her eyes to lie. It is the hardest thing to do, keeping the truth from showing in your eyes. But Faith found it in herself, although exhausted, the will to pull it off. She needed it, for both her sake and Buffy's. She couldn't undo the past, and she'd know. She had wished for that plenty of times.

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry..._

She forced out an obnoxious smile as she finally turned to greet her sister slayer. "Hey, B. How nice of you to stop by," she said, wriggling her eyebrows for effect.

"Hey, F," Buffy replied in a casual tone. "I found a cure to the poison you used on Angel."

_Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes..._

"Damn," Faith pushed her limits and widened her smile with a supernatural effort. "What is it?"

"Your blood," Buffy smiled back. "As justice goes, it's not un-poetic, don't you think?"

"So that's it? You're gonna feed me to Angel?" the taller girl questioned, her smile turning into a scowl. "Alright then," she said, averting her eyes for a moment to shove the hurt back down. "Give us a kiss."

_Turn around, bright eyes... Every now and then I fall apart..._

They started an exchange of blows. Both were hurt enough to miss the fact that neither seemed to be into it. Then there was an opening in Buffy's defense and Faith caved, crushing her lips to the blonde's. Before the older slayer had time to process what had just happened, Faith fled to the roof where she could keep her emotions in check before they could finally end it.

_Turn around, bright eyes... Every now and then I fall apart..._

Buffy had a million things going through her mind, but she didn't take the time to follow any train of thought. She followed Faith, striving to ignore with her own instincts that reasoned with her not to pursue the fight.

_And I need you now, tonight..._

Faith heard the blonde coming and by the hurry in the approaching slayer she knew there was no other way around it. Buffy's resolve was scary, but she wouldn't run, not anymore.

_And I need you more than ever..._

Her heart sank and she felt tears stinging her eyes, but she kept them from falling. She never thought this would be so hard, but nothing was ever easy.

_And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever..._

Eventually, she came to understand that Buffy was unable to see anything redeeming in her that was worth fighting for. So she turned, the scorn carefully plastered on her face, and crouched in a fighting stance. It was for the best.

_And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong together..._

Each landing blow ripped off something she treasured, and Faith's demeanor was changing. Her chocolate eyes were becoming void, and life seemed to fade from it. Suddenly, her eyes became clouded like a storm of hatred, not for Buffy but for everything that had gone wrong in her life. All of the wrong choices she took, all of the lies she had been told, and mostly herself for having believed them.

_We can take it to the end of the line..._

Buffy seemed surprised when she pulled a huge knife out of nowhere, and she finally saw the change in Faith's eyes. If there was a too late, this would be it, but she didn't have time to regret it as Faith charged at her again.

_Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time..._

The blonde didn't take her eyes out of the knife for a while, and Faith was easily gaining on her, coming closer and closer to just chop off some part of her. She had to do something, anything. Angel was dying and needed her. Faith's blood would cure him, and other than that the dark slayer had hurt her loved ones. She was evil. She was...

_I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark..._

Her eyes met Faith's and it finally hit her. Pain, plain and simple. It didn't take long for the brunette to widen her eyes in shock, knowing Buffy had seen through her mask. Her will faltered, but the blonde only took this opportunity to kick the knife out of her hands.

_We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks..._

That stung, and Faith felt betrayed all over again. She thought Buffy would back off. 'There's just no end to my stupidity. Oh well. Guess this makes it easier that I don't have a choice,' she considered bitterly.

_I really need you tonight..._

"Come on, B," she turned around to look at Buffy, who had lunged for the knife, with a faint grin on her face.

_Forever's gonna start tonight..._

Buffy picked up the weapon and they stared at each other for some moments, circling each other as if waiting for the perfect moment to dive in.

_Forever's gonna start tonight..._

Faith wanted to tell her that she never meant for things to end this way. She wanted to let Buffy know just how important she had been in her life.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart..._

She wanted Buffy to know that, despite the way it had to end, she would still have come to Sunnydale, because just getting to watch Buffy like she sometimes had done without the blonde's knowledge, made it worth her pain.

_There's nothing I can do..._

Faith charged at her, unable to just look at Buffy any longer. The air in her lungs burned inside, and she felt her heart being shredded inside of her chest. It had to end now.

_A total eclipse of the heart..._

After very little time, Buffy finally stopped her in one swift move. She had stabbed Faith. Their eyes met again. Buffy's eyes widened in horror and she stepped back, as if she could get away from what she had done. Her eyes never left Faith's, and this time she didn't miss it when the clouds in the brunette's eyes cleared to reveal a nearly peaceful look.

_Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark..._

Faith's lips spread in a smile that was nothing but relieved. "You did it...you killed me..." she whispered softly, no anger in her voice, just acceptance, and perhaps a little bit of surprise.

_Nothing I can say..._

Buffy could only watch when she stumbled backwards to the edge of the building and with one last smile she let herself fall. Then the older slayer regained her movements and ran towards the edge, her eyes searching frantically for her dark counterpart. When she couldn't find the body she finally took a glimpse of a garbage truck that was passing down along the street.

"Faith..." she whispered to the cold night air, looking up at the smoke that covered the stars and finally allowing tears to fall. She fell to her knees and punched the concrete floor until her hands bled, screaming in pain and frustration. "No!" she cried. "No! Please...no..." Mentally numb from the pain coursing through her veins, she never realized that Angel and her friends were the furthest thing from her mind at that moment. "Faith..."

_A total eclipse of the heart..._

Later that night, after she struggled to pull herself together, she walked back to the mansion alone, defeated in her victory. She offered her own blood to Angel, cursing herself all the time for not having considered that option in the first place.

When she woke up in the hospital bed, she found several sets of worried eyes staring at her, and only then did she realize just how much she missed and just how disappointed she was to not find stormy brown eyes amongst those.

But there was no one she could talk to.

THE END


End file.
